Former English leader Lewis Moody has announced he has been found to have motor neurone disease and admitted he cannot yet confront the full ramifications of the muscle-deteriorating condition that took the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was a member of the World Cup champion 2003 side and lifted numerous English and European titles with Leicester, gave an interview to BBC Breakfast a fortnight after finding out he has the disease.
"There's a certain looking the future in the face and hesitating to fully comprehend that at the minute," he said.
"It isn't that I am unaware of where it's going. We grasp that. But there is definitely a unwillingness to confront the future for now."
Moody, conversing with his wife Annie, says conversely he feels "calm" as he concentrates on his present welfare, his family and planning ahead for when the disease worsens.
"Maybe that's surprise or maybe I handle situations differently, and after I have the information, it's easier," he continued.
Initial Signs
Moody discovered he had MND after observing some reduced power in his shoulder area while training in the gym.
After physiotherapy failed to improve the problem, a set of scans showed neural pathways in his neurological system had been damaged by MND.
"You're presented with this medical finding of MND and we're understandably very emotional about it, but it's quite odd because I feel like I'm perfectly healthy," he added.
"I don't feel ill. I don't experience sick
"The signs I have are rather minimal. I have a small amount of muscle wasting in the hand and the shoulder.
"I continue to be competent to accomplishing whatever I want. And optimistically that will carry on for as long as is possible."
Condition Advancement
MND can develop rapidly.
As per the organization MND Association, the illness kills a third of people within a year and above half within two years of diagnosis, as swallowing and respiration become increasingly challenging.
Treatment can only slow decline.
"It's never me that I feel sad for," stated an affected Moody.
"There's grief around having to break the news to my mum - as an sole offspring - and the implications that has for her."
Family Effect
Speaking from the residence with his wife and their family dog by his side, Moody was overcome with sentiment when he discussed informing his sons - 17-year-old Dylan and adolescent Ethan - the devastating news, commenting: "It was the toughest thing I've ever had to do."
"They are two excellent boys and that was pretty devastating," Moody said.
"We positioned ourselves on the settee in crying, Ethan and Dylan both embraced in each other, then the dog jumped over and began cleaning the drops off our faces, which was rather funny."
Moody explained the focus was being in the present.
"We have no solution and that is why you have to be very intensely directed on just embracing and appreciating everything now," he commented.
"As my wife mentioned, we've been really lucky that the only real determination I made when I concluded playing was to devote as much period with the kids as feasible. We won't recover those years back."
Sportsman Association
Professional sportspeople are unevenly affected by MND, with investigations proposing the prevalence of the illness is up to sixfold greater than in the wider community.
It is thought that by reducing the O2 obtainable and creating harm to nerve cells, regular, vigorous exercise can activate the disease in those inherently genetically susceptible.
Athletic Playing Days
Moody, who earned 71 England caps and traveled with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was dubbed 'Mad Dog' during his playing career, in honour of his courageous, persistent style to the game.
He competed through a stress fracture of his leg for a period with Leicester and once sparked a workout scuffle with team-mate and friend Martin Johnson when, frustrated, he discarded a tackle pad and started throwing himself into physical contacts.
After appearing as a reserve in the Rugby World Cup final win over Australia in 2003, he won a ball at the end of the throw-in in the decisive passage of play, setting a base for half-back Matt Dawson to attack and Jonny Wilkinson to score the game-deciding field goal.
Support Network
Moody has previously notified Johnson, who captained England to that victory, and a few other previous team-mates about his condition, but the others will be discovering his news with the remainder of public.
"We'll have a period when we'll need to lean on their support but, at the moment, just having that kind of care and recognition that people are available is all that matters," he stated.
"Rugby is such a wonderful group.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an extraordinary life.
"Even if it finished now, I've valued all of it and welcomed all of it and got to do it with remarkable people.
"When you get to label your passion your vocation, it's one of the most important blessings.
"To have done it for so extended a period with the teams that I did it with was a joy. And I know they will want to support in any way they can and I await having those talks."
